  Why Couldn't It Have
Been Ringo?
George Harrison Stabbed in his "Fort
Knox" Residence.
by Crackity
Jones
[12/30/99 - Seattle, Wa] According to Reuters,
"Former Beatle George Harrison was
recovering in a London hospital on Friday after a
life-and-death struggle with a knife-wielding
intruder branded by British newspapers as a
crazed hater of the Fab Four."
While the wounds
were serious, they were not life threatenning and
within hours of the attack, the author of
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" joked
with doctors and nurses, saying: ``I can see the
headlines already -- George has had a hard day's
night.''
Harrison's
Mexico-born wife, Olivia, "saved the pop
star's life on Thursday," continues Reuters,
"when she stunned the intruder by hitting
him on the head with a lamp after a struggle
through three blood-spattered rooms of the
couple's 120-room mansion at Henley-on-Thames,
west of London. The couple then overpowered the
man and held him until police arrived."
How the intruder
was able to skirt the extensive security measures
taken to protect Harrison in his home has
continued to confound investigators. Harrison and
friends have nicknamed his home, "Fort
Knox," in reference to the guards and
devices in place round the clock to protect the
privacy of the reclusive musician.
-Lets review the
last 20 years of ex-Beatle history. The most
talented Beatle of the bunch, John, is killed by
a crazy bastard and superfan. Thank you so much,
Mark David Chapman, for killing the true genius
in the band. The second best Beatle, Paul loses
his wife last year. Now I can understand a music
fan not being devestated by the loss of Linda
McCartney, or anyone in Wings for that matter,
but the second best Beatle is an important person
and we don't want an important person like that
to ever be sad. The third best Beatle, George,
AND his wife, are almost killed last night by a
psychotic anti-fan?
And how can you
not love George?
Not only does he
survive the attack but manages, with considerable
help from unflappable Olivia, to take out the
intruder!
He was a
Travelling Wilbury for God's sake and we already
lost Roy Orbison. Although Tom Petty is a Wilbury
and I don't see any reason for him to be making
anymore music... Now lets see, who does that
leave? That leaves only one. The fourth Beatle.  Ringo Starr. I'm not
saying that someone should hunt down the goofy
looking bastard and kill him but what I am saying
is that if you have a group of four individuals
and three of the four have been in some sort of
life or death tragedy, odds are the fourth person
is probably going to make it free and clear. So
if instead of killing John, Paul's wife or trying
to off George, why can't crazy people and disease
target the one individual who wouldn't be missed,
and in turn, increase the odds for the ones who
would? Come on Ringo, we know you have it in you?
You aren't even an orignal Beatle for Christ's
sake.
Click here for
the Beatle Violence Bulletin Board!
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