She's
About a Mover
How many times has
this happened to you: you sing a song for years
and years, being quite certain that you're
singing the correct lyrics. Then one day you hear
that song again and -in a sudden epiphany - you
realize that what you've been singing all this
time isn't even close to what the actual lyrics
are. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there
who are convinced the Beatles were singing "Baby,
you're rich, and fat too" or that the first
line of La Isla Bonita is "Last night I
dreamt of some bagels." Similarly, I've had
this song stuck in my head lately that was
popular when I was about seven. To my chagrin, I
can't recall the title or who recorded it, but
the chorus was pretty simple, darn catchy and
sounded along the lines of "She's about a
mover." In retrospect, I don't really think
this band could have been singing "She's
about a mover," (it doesn't make any sense,
really) but it pleases me to imagine that they
were, and to wonder why.
Which brings to
mind this great band from San Francisco called Mover. I checked out Mover's
live show when I was in SF over the Summer and I
must say that, unless you caught the Stones on
tour this Fall, they are as close to seeing the
Stones live as you are going to get. Mover's
newish album, Original Recipe (Man's Ruin Records) is loaded with ballsy,
real rock and roll tinged with solid blues
influences, steel guitar and lead singer Eric
Shea's Jagger/Richards-blend vocals. Ah, the
simple pleasures of music that doesn't sound like
it came from a can. My favorite Mover song is
called "Vulture," which inside dope
says is a slam on some local guy who is notorious
for stealing other guys' girlfriends. The first
verse goes like this; "I'm the kind of man
with a master plan to gain your woman/She thinks
you're pretty fine/But I betcha she'll be mine
tonight." So yeah, I'd say it's about that
guy. Actually, it could be about any guy.
I grew so fond of
this song while I was in town that I took
advantage of artistic license and made up my own
lyrics for the chorus that I felt were more fun
to sing than the real lyrics. Instead of
"Push me down and shove me/I know you wanna
love me tonight," I started singing
"Knock me down and fuck me/I know you wanna
love me tonight." Then I got all my friends
to start singing my new lyrics, which they all
agreed were superior in every way. All of the
songs on Original Recipe rock wildly and
you will also dig this record if you remember
singing into your hairbrush to the first Aerosmith record.
In an odd, six
degrees of separation kind of way, Eric Shea and
Mike Presenko (who is thanked on the Original
Recipe liner notes) are mentioned in Brian
Jonestown Massacre's song that parodies the Dandy
Warhols ("Not If You Were the Last
Dandy on Earth"). While the Dandy's Courtney
Taylor sings "I never thought you'd be a
junkie/Because heroin is so passe," BJM's
Anton Newcomb keeps tongue firmly in cheek as he
tosses off "You drive like Mike Presenko/And
your girlfriend looks like Eric Shea." It's
a small rock and roll world and I'm glad I live
in it.
Gail Vents
on: Cigars
Cigars look like
big fat turds and smell equally as foul. Cigar
smoking has been fashionable for about a year
now, so it'll only be about another year before
all these turd chompers start developing cancer
of the mouth and face. We'll see how cool they
look with their tongues missing. In perfect
world, smoking would be illegal.
Hometown
Girl Makes Good
Those watching Saturday
Night Live on November 8th might have been
lucky enough to catch a brief glimpse of New York
chanteuse and all purpose blonde goddess, Alison
Gordy. Alison appeared in a skit with host Jon
Lovitz, playing a Dominatrix to his Marv Albert.
You go girl!
I am Furious, George
New York City's
best stupid punk band have a record out at last,
cleverly entitled Furious George Gets a
Record (Recess Records). I am enjoying this disc
a lot for it's fun spirit and
true-to-the-old-school punk rock style. Lyrics
are included so you can sing along to all your Furious
George
favorites like "Betty Crocker, Punk
Rocker" and "Gilligan," which
features guest vocals by Joey Ramone. The band
even gets arty on "Roy Lichtenstein,"
an homage to the great Pop painter who,
coincidentally, passed away just a few months
ago. Nice work, George, Evan and Michael.
Gail's
Dating Tips
"If you were
the last man on Earth, I'd still be looking for
batteries." I overheard a fellow goddess
give this "Please fuck off and quit
bothering me" line in a bar the other night
and I'm sorry I didn't get her name so I could
give her proper credit for saying it. I don't
know why, but I've been feeling rather
mean-spirited towards guy lately. Maybe it has
something to do with the completely inappropriate
and asshole-ish way my last boyfriend broke off
our relationship. After claiming me as his Rock
and Roll Dream Girl (his words) and being
decidedly free with the "L" word, he
suddenly started acting like he owed me money.
Then, one day he whips off the following line:
"I'm not in love with you, and I think you
want me to be," thus taking all of the
responsibility for being a dickhead off himself
and making me feel like our relationship only
went on in my head. As hard as it was to keep
from wrapping his hair around my fist and
slamming his stupid head through the wall, I love
my apartment too dearly to cause it that kind of
damage. Besides, some of his blood might have
splattered on my comforter, and blood stains can
be a bitch to get out.
My dating
tip this month is as follows: Make any
guy earn your love, and you'll avoid the
inconvenience of getting distracted - albeit
briefly - by fucked up pieces of shit who don't
know what the hell they want. Until murder is
legal, it's the best defense you've got.
Next Month:
Online Love, American Style
(The Worley Gig
regularly turns in The NY Hangover.)
E-Mail Gail Worley
