The Worley Gig:
Music and Mayhem in New York City
by Gail Worley

It's that Time of the Year Again

February 14 marks another birthday for me, golden-haired, trend-defying, paradigm of an independent thinking rock critic that I am. Of course, I am forced to share this most special day on the calendar with my least favorite holiday, Valloween. If I didn't love my birthday so much I'd likely spend the 24 hours before, during and after that day throwing darts at some crude effigy of every-man-who-ever-fucked-me-over and eating hot fudge sundaes with my few remaining single girlfriends. Instead, I'll be on the town with my faithful sidekick and social beard (for those occasions when a same-sex date just won't do), David Lee Beowulf. Unless of course, I get a date.

Wouldn't you like to be the Valloween date for someone like me? I've got pretty high standards, so here are the bare-bones requirements:

You must be sane, single, over 30, good looking to a fault, have cash and be ready to throw it down before me, and you must be willing to worship me as a goddess. You must live by the credo "Rock and Roll All Night and Party Ev-Ar-Ree Day." You must be able to make me laugh, hard. Bonus points available if you agree with me that Amy Sohn is a stupid whore. Finally, a 212 area code is absolutely necessary. NO Gemini's, Atheists, Fops, Republicans, Professional Students or Jazz Aficionados need apply. Interested suitors may plead their case by emailing me at pandomag@rocketmail.com. Serious replies only, please.

Just My Imagination
February 1999

When it rains, it rains and when it snows, it snows. When it rains and snows in New York City I find it hard to leave my house. The door to the Chickpad might as well be locked from the outside. With all my energy concentrated on recovering from the compound stress of the holidays, rampant year-end lists and wrap ups, and all this death that seems to be going on my in family and the families of every person I know, I've completely neglected to attend a single rock show this year. Maybe I'm just not ready to rock yet, or maybe nothing really interesting is going on. I don't know. I stopped reading the club listings in that patronizing, right wing weekly as a New Years' Resolution, so I really have no idea what the hell is happening outside my nicely self-contained four-walled world.

I have, however, cultivated a rich and rewarding fantasy life. Being bored stiff with the lack of love-action in the otherwise swinging life that I inhabit, I've taken to conducting an imaginary affair with a musician friend of mine from Los Angeles. You know it's got to be a fantasy if my sex life ever involves a musician, as this directly contradicts my personal mantra that Rock Stars Do Not Make Good Boyfriends. Still, I feel ready, willing and able to break up with my hands at any time, and a good, delusional head-trip can surely do me no harm. Any port in a storm, as they say.

In the Beginning: CD Review of the Month

Psychic TV, Origin of the Species (Invisible) - After the dissolution of pioneering Industrial/Art Rockers, Throbbing Gristle (a band without whose influence Trent Reznor would surely be doing something else these days) Genesis P-Orridge merged his obsessions with sacred-beat world music and Brian Jones into the creation of Psychic TV. Maybe you are saying to yourself, "I'm really out of the Industrial Music loop, Gail. Who the fuck are Psychic TV?" Please allow me to introduce you to a CD that can answer this important question and maybe rock your world a little bit at the same time. (As an aside, you might already have a subconscious awareness of Psychic TV through a radically freaky pop-culture reference. Genesis once composed a paean to Roman Polanski ("Roman P.") that found it's way into a 1996 TV jingle for Volkswagen cars (remember the one that went: "Are you free? Are you really free?" No? Well, sod you then).

Devotees of electronic music in all of its infinitely splintered sub-genres (techno/trance/acid house blah blah) could lay bets that those they worship (The Orb, Aphex Twin, Daft Punk, Fatboy Slim and every DJ on the planet) have at one time fallen under the influence of Psychic TV's wildly experimental and visionary music. Origin Of The Species -- the first of three, two-disc sets (promoted as "A supply of two tablets of Acid") to be released on Invisible records in upcoming months-- collects the best studio tracks, live recordings and remixes of PTV's prolific career from 1987 to 1992. The accompanying 32-page color booklet offers comprehensive historical perspective and elaborates on the, er, genesis of these 21 songs. Of particular poignancy is P-Orridge's recollection of his friendship with doomed Joy Division singer, Ian Curtis, whose tortured life and tragic suicide inspired the circular guitar and syncopated beats of "I.C. Water." To describe Origin Of The Species as merely a definitive package of dance music does it a great disservice. It goes far beyond that, into what P-Orridge himself calls the search for "Thee infinite Beat." Let yourself go, and your mind will follow.

Rock Star Quote of the Month

"A day without cheese is like a day without Valium."

- Taime Downe (former front man for 80's glam-metal band, Faster Pussycat; current front man for gothic industrial dance band, The Newlydeads).

(Watch for an exclusive-to-the-Worley-Gig Rock Star Quote here each month. Collect and trade them with your friends!)

The Worley Gig: Turning rebellion into money.

The Worley Gig regularly turns in both Pandemonium Online and The NY Hangover.

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Other Features From Gail Worley:

You Am I: It's the Cream, It's the Crock - Fabu Aussie Tim Rogers talks about The Convicts that are coming, sugary pop, garagey stomp, and Hourly, Daily life in the paid slumber party with Gail Worley

Goo Goo Dolls: Prepare to Get Dizzy - Gail talks to Robby Takac about City of Angels, hits in the five formats, crap music and what chicks dig.

Nivek Ogre's New Rx - No longer a Skinny Puppy, this famed industrialist dispenses Ritalin now.

Visual Audio Sensory Theatre - Gail discusses religion and revenge fantasies with Jon Crosby, the aspiring Gothman with a VAST array of sounds...

Dream Punk or Noise Pop? - Gail goes to South Park and Melrose Place with Carrie Clark, art therapist and feedback diva from 16 Deluxe

God Lives Underwater - "With a name like God Lives Underwater, it has to be good," says Gail

Vintage Jello Biafra - Gail's 1997 interview with the former Dead Kennedy

Previous turns of The Worley Gig:

The Worley Gig #1-- Summer, The Rules

The Worley Gig #2-- All Tomorrow's Parties

The Worley Gig #3-- Weaselfest '97

The Worley Gig #4-- How I Spent Summer

The Worley Gig #5-- Random Excerpts From My Ass-Kicking Life

The Worley Gig #6-- Christmas Kicks Total Ass

The Worley Gig #7-- She's About A Mover

The Worley Gig #8-- The Goddess and Pig Watts

The Worley Gig #9-- Outrageously Boss Records and What Not to Do On a Date

The Worley Gig #10-- Marilyn Manson: The Satanist in Winter

The Worley Gig #11-- A Mosquito, My Libido

The Worley Gig #12-- Sex By SexWest 1998

The Worley Gig #13-- I'm Only Numan

The Worley Gig #14-- Marilyn Manson, Bauhaus Reissues

The Worley Gig #15-- The Column of the Daves

The Worley Gig #16-- A Girl's Gotta Make a Living

The Worley Gig #17-- Intel Me Everything

The Worley Gig #18-- Crushed Velvet

The Worley Gig #19-- Bauhaus Live, Gail Out West

The Worley Gig #20-- Two Motley Crue Cherries Broken

The Worley Gig #21-- It's the End of the Year As We Know It, and I Feel Fine

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