Three Clowns in the Fountain:

An Interview with Fountains of Wayne

By Gail Worley

(Editor's Note: Gail is Pandomag.com's, New York City Correspondent. Articles by her have appeared in Ink 19, The Manhattan Mirror, and the print version of Pandemonium!)

Arriving at the New York offices of Atlantic Records, I am greeted by Adam Schlesinger - bassist and one half of the song-writing team for the east coast band, Fountains of Wayne. The first thing he says to me is, "We're not talking about the band name." This was, of course, my first question. "Forget it," he says. "We want to talk about Nicaragua for awhile. And sniffing glue. We're against it," adds Chris Collingwood, who provides lead vocals and guitar, and partners with Schlesinger on the writing of their material. After a minor amount of prodding, however, the genesis of their name comes out. "It's a store in NJ...in Wayne. They do, in fact, sell fountains there, and tomb stones...fun stuff." Based on my interview, I'd say that fun stuff is what the Fountains are all about, and during our time together, they made me laugh, hard..

Released on October 1, Fountains of Wayne's self-titled debut is a mixture of modern novelty rock ala They Might Be Giants, classic pop guitar hooks, and what was once euphemistically referred to as "New Wave." The entire record was written and recorded by Schlesinger and Collingwood, both age 28, with the help of assorted friends, before the addition of a new guitarist, Jody Porter, who is 27. When asked what he does in the band, Porter replies "I'm the guy who dresses up like a monster."

****

GW: The pop music styles on your record are all over the map, who are your musical influences?

CC: We listen to a lot of 60's and 80's pop music. Like the Zombies and the Beach Boys and The Hollies, British stuff, that's sort of what we grew up on.

GW: Would you say more of a lasting impression on pop music was made by ThePartridge Family or the kids from The Brady Bunch?

CC: How do you answer that? I mean, I think they're both pretty strong... but divergent.

AS: I'd say the Partridge Family, cause they were a band all the time while The Brady Bunch was only a band for one episode.

CC: I don't remember any Partridge Family songs but I do remember The Brady Bunch one was (sings) "When It's Time to Change"...remember that?

GW: Do you think about covering songs by other bands?

AS: We're doing a cover of "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Paul Simon right now. And we never write anything with big guitar riffs, so it's fun to cover stuff with big manly, guitar riffs.

GW: Have you guys ever done any hard drugs?

CC: Don't sniff glue. Stay in school. (Laughs).

AS: We can't advocate drug use in this band. Our label is positioning us as role models.

GW: Oh, you guys are just no fun.

CC: Actually, once I was really drunk and I cut my finger off in the door. They sewed it back on, you wanna see?

GW: Yeah, show me. (Chris shows me the scar that wraps around his index finger, near the first knuckle) Wow, did it actually fall off?

CC: Yep.

AS: I had to rush him to the doctor at 4 in the morning, this guy named Dr. Klutz, I swear to God.

CC: I said "I'm a guitar player." He said "You're an ex-guitar player."

JP: I'd like to take a stab at that last question.

AS: Jody can be our drug consultant for this interview.

JP: I was coming up to New York to join the group, right? I hadn't slept for a few days. So I stopped in at - I believe it was an Exxon? - no Gulf - gas station - no Shell- and got some NoDoz. By that time I was just kind of wired as they say...So, I'd have to say that was exciting.

AS: Got you the rest of the way to New York without driving off the road.

JP: And gave me a good buzz.

CC: Did you ever drink so much coffee that your fingers start to shake?

AS: I sprayed all this Chloroseptic in my throat once and it went completely numb for like an hour.

CC: Once, when I was in High School, I drank a whole bottle of Robitusson...

GW: Now the drug stories come out...

CC: ...And I woke up in my underwear walking on the second floor of my dorm. And you know how the floors all have the same room arrangement, so I thought I was on my floor, but [my room] was on the first floor. I walked into this other guy's room and I discovered it wasn't my room. That's not an exciting story.

AS: It's not hard drugs. (Laughs). Once, when I was six, I ate an entire outboard motor. (Laughs)

CC: When I was six I drank a whole bottle of Listerine. My mother made me drink milk.

JP: When I was six I ate some Palmolive and tried to blow bubbles out of my mouth. It didn't work. It tasted really bad.

AS: I bet you blew something out of your mouth. (All laugh)

GW: So I think the message here is "Don't Do Drugs."

CC: Don't sniff glue. Stay in school.

GW: Did any of you guys ever have one of those experiences like what they portray on a Mentos commercial?

AS: I never actually saw one of those commercials. I only saw the Foo Fighters' video (that was a take off on these commercials) and I've had experiences like the Foo Fighters 'cause I play in a rock band! But I never moved any cars for anyone.

CC: Once, when I was in school (all laugh spontaneously) I went down to the art department to get the keys to go into the studio. Adam and I did this art project together, so we had to get the keys and I walked in and I said to this timid, little old woman named Dot Beebee "Can I have the keys to the art studio, please?" and she turned around to get them out of this drawer, and I screamed "NOW!" really loud.

AS: And scared this poor woman.

CC: That was kind of like a Mentos commercial....And when I was 11, I was out - (all laugh) this is a good story - in this outdoor lot in North Carolina. We were dropping bricks onto bottles - breaking bottles with big cinder blocks. I was gonna do like the "Mother of All" bottle breakings. I found the biggest bottle I could, and I climbed up onto this big brick pile and dropped this cinder block from the top of this brick pile. It landed on the bottle and then sat there for a second and then the cinder block cracked and the bottle was still standing there. I just laughed so hard I peed in my pants.

(All laugh).

AS: Once when I was three, I went to this school in New York on 112th Street called Bank Street, even though it was on 112th Street. I was three and I was really into elevators, so during the middle of the school day I took this girl that I was in love with and I got in the elevator and just left. And I got in a taxi and went back to my house with her...and I made the cab driver wait so I could get money. When my mom came down she was really mad 'cause Iwas supposed to be in school. From then on they had to have elevator men at the building so that none of the kids left.

GW: Trouble maker. Jody, do you have anything to contribute to this question?

JP: What was the question?

GW: Were you consciously ripping off Blondie's "The Tide is High" when you wrote "She's Got a Problem"?

AS: Blondie didn't invent that progression either. That's a 1-4-5 progression, the most standard progression in Rock history. Buddy Holly. Louie Louie...

AS: Chuck Berry

JP: It's reggae mon...

AS: Every single song is based on that progression. But yes, we did rip off Blondie intentionally.

GW: Have you guys ever been to Disney Land?

AS: Actually, I've been to Disney World.

C: Yeah I haven't been to Disney Land either. That West coast shit is so played.

JP: We represent the East coast.

GW: Which ride at Disney World do you feel is most representative of real life?

CC: The People Mover. Have you ever been on that? It's just a big train that runs around - it's like a monorail. "People Mover" - they get right to the point. Just like us. No nonsense, meat and potatoes rock.

AS: I like the Small World After All Pavilion..

JP: Pirates of the Caribbean.

CC: I like the feature where you get to beat up Mickey Mouse. (All laugh). They give you that brick bat. Disney Hell...

AS: That's a smaller park that they built in Toledo.

(We hear the sounds of some weird music outside the conference room. I ask them if they know what band that is.)

CC and AS Together: It might be Axiom.

GW: Who are Axiom?

AS: (Laughing) See, the funny thing about Axiom is those guys don't understand. They've got a logo that looks like lightning bolts and shit - like "AXIOM!" They don't know what Axiom means. They think it's like "Ax," like a heavy metal name. But it might as well be "Theorem" - it just doesn't work. But we can't break it to them.

JP: Even "Hypothesis" is a heavier name.

GW: Do you guys ever envision yourselves as the male version of the Go Go's.

AS: Just this morning, in fact. We'd be really happy with someone calling us that.

CC: Yeah, we dressed up like the Go Go's. They were a great band. We also have the beat.

*

Fountains of Wayne will be on tour again soon, dressed up as Monsters and sounding like the Go-Go's.